  Have you ever walked into a room and forgotten why? Have you ever sat down at the computer to do something productive but wound up losing a huge chunk of time on Facebook? What about when you go the store for one specific item but end up buying a bunch of stuff that you really didn't need and maybe not even what you went for in the first place?
The problem is lack of focus. You're not directing your energies or your thoughts toward what it is you really want. And the consequences are apparent.  The last few months have been really stressful for me because I was taking every comment, criticism, and opinion personally. Then I remembered to not give a fuck. "If on your journey to success, you trip over every stones and pebble that is someone else's opinion of you, how will you ever reach your destination? Move around." - Jonathan McMillan  Funeral service of a young man killed in Northeast Denver in 2018  Besides Vance Joseph getting fired and a 9-hour documentary on R. Kelly, other recent news says that Denver homicides were up significantly last year. 9NEWS (KUSA) reports "one of the biggest culprits is young men and guns." (Personally, I wouldn't have used the word "culprit" but rather factors as it's a more appropriate nonjudgmental word) What you have to read between the lines to know is that when we speak of young men and guns, for the most part, in Denver and nationally, both the victims and perpetrators of this violence,are young men of color.  National news coverage of a candlelight vigil for victims of a mass school shooting. America tends to only view and or pay attention to gun violence and young people when there's another mass/school shooting. And sadly, we tend to overlook the constant threat of gun violence in our own communities and schools as though it's a normal part of our culture. As the article points out, 22 people under the age of 26 were killed in 2018 in Denver. That's about two a month or one every other week. If the 22 young people who were killed at the same time in the same place there would be mass vigils and 24 hour national news coverage. If the majority of those deaths didn't happen in Far Northeast Denver, Northeast Denver, and Southwest Denver but rather in Cherry Creek, South Park Hill, Stapleton or another area, heads wouldn't only turn but they would roll. Time and location shouldn't make a difference when it comes to creating urgency around saving our children's lives. Yes, our children.  Flowers at a vigil for a young man killed in Northeast Denver 2018
 Also, thanks to City Councilman Albus Brooks recognizing the dire need for prevention, intervention and more support services for the young people of color in his district. He hired me to be an intentional advocate and resource his constituents who are the ones most often overlooked, unheard and most disenfranchised due to systemic racism. I've had conversations with Mayor Hancock who has promised to support efforts to reduce the number of youth involved gun violence/crimes. I've recruited members from the African American Commission, the Latino Commission and the Women's Commission to assist me in building a network of servant leaders who are ready and willing to roll up their sleeves to do whatever needs to be done to find and create solutions. I convened a group of faith leaders to assist me in building a spiritual backbone for the work to be done. This is only the beginning.  There are revolutionary, innovative plans and programs being discussed like Park Hill Collective Impact, Launch at Stedman, a anti-gun media blitz, and others that will disrupt the way our education system, juvenile justice system and workforce development efforts coordinate to raise children who not only survive but thrive.
If I have anything to do with it, 2018 will be the last year that the homicide rate in Denver increases. Please resolve to join me.  I've found one of the easiest and best ways for me to continue to move toward the success I desire in life is to examine where I am and to be introspective about how I arrived to this place. This calls for a willingness to be present and self-aware and the ability to self-evaluate -- not self criticize.
Over the last few years, around December, I've taken up the habit of identifying and reflecting upon the lessons which the previous year has brought and taught me. 2018 was a very productive, rewarding and challenging year. I experienced incredible personal and professional achievements while also experiencing personal and professional struggles, tragedies, disappointments, betrayals and rejections. The powerful lessons which I acquired from both the victories and theoretical losses have prepared me to enter confidently into 2019.  Last year I financed a new car. It was beautiful. Pearl White, Heated leather seats. Wood grain steering wheel. And a pretty reasonable car payment. Nothing overwhelming but still, an additional expense.
But I had a plan. The new vehicle would actually be an investment and make me money! I would sign on with Uber and or Lyft and earn my car payment money and then some. My plan was perfect except for one little thing. There's this saying; "Don't count your chickens before they're hatched." I couldn't pass the background check.  Motivational speaker and success guru Bob Proctor said "The average person tiptoes through life hoping to safely make it to death. What a dumb game." Keisha Simons wasn't average. She didn’t play that game. And the game whicg she did play, was played by her own rules.  Typically there is a portion of a memorial or homegoing celebration is called “words of comfort”. And usually, a person of religion, a pastor, a rabbi, a priest or imam delivers a message of faith pulled from scripture. Many times, that person doesn’t have a personal relationship with our loved one or us the family but yet, they still do their best to comfort us. As Keisha’s big brother, I offer four simple words of comfort from Keisha, herself for those of us struggling with our loss of our sister, daughter, mother, niece, aunt, cousin, wife and friend: Don’t get stuck here.  She was happy. She lived a happy life. A life full of happiness. I know this because, a couple of years ago I began recording interviews with people whom I admired and were inspiring me through the lives they were living, the goals they which set and how they went about achieving those goals, I wanted to know who and what inspired them and what they wanted to share with the world to inspire others.  Keisha was killing it. So I asked her to share her story and her insights about life, happiness and success with me and boy, was I impressed with the jewels of wisdom she offered. In the lessons she taught, she laid bare a treasure map, with the treasure being happiness.  Keisha talked about how, when she found herself and her life in a place of negativity, she stopped -- and actively defined and wrote down what is was that she wanted out of life. Her list included: A better relationship with her son, Aiden. Successful careers in real estate, modeling & fitness and as an entrepreneur. She wanted a really cool car and happiness in general. Then, rather than being overwhelmed by her ambitious desires, she simply made goals for each one and step by determined step, she walked toward achieve them.  She identified and eliminated the mental obstacles she had to overcome to achieve the success she wanted, like negative self talk and self doubt. She eliminated “I can’t” and “shouldn’t” from her vocabulary and embraced the belief that she was able and deserved to be as successful and happy as she wanted to be. Keisha affirmed herself -- as most of us should do -- by saying “Look! I can do it! I can do it!” She acknowledged she still had some shortcomings which she needed to improve upon, like time management, but she didn’t let those hold her back from creating the happiness that she wanted for Aiden and herself.  She celebrated her wins and achievements both big and small. This made her life FUN! And helped her build both motivation and confidence to set more ambitious and fun goals for her life. How many of us can say we’ve ever set goals to have fun?  Whether she was competing in and winning bodybuilding championships or jumping out of airplanes or taking Aiden to Monster Truck rallies; Keisha was building and living a life where she could be and was happy on purpose! Keisha built that life on her unbreakable belief that “What you put in your head is definitely what’s going to come out. If you keep being negative about everything then everything negative is going to happen and all you’re gonna see is negative.” So to keep herself focused she built a team and surrounded herself with people who mentored her through
 When I asked Keisha what was her favorite quote she offered the following: “Nobody’s gonna pay your bills but you!” she said with excitement in her voice. Then she blew my mind when she explained how she used that advice as a catalyst for her success. “Everything falls on you.” she said enthusiastically “What you bring in. Your energy, your vibe, your circle, your goals and your dreams. It’s you! So grow up. Put your big girl panties on and go for it!” Nobody’s gonna pay your bills but you! It was that sort of encouraging advice and go-getter attitude that drew people to Keisha. She saw and believed the best in everybody. She wanted to help those who needed help and tried fix those who needed fixing. She judged not -- for she remembered the times when she was at her lowest and embraced the lessons which she learned then. “It’s okay to crash and burn.” she told me. Keisha shared a story with me A couple of years ago her real estate business wasn’t going as well as she hoped and she was struggling with bills and financial obligations. She told me “I sat down in my kitchen and had a glass of wine, a good cry and screamed and yelled and then just decided to leave that there and I moved on and grew from it.” “It’s okay to crash and burn.” she told me. “Just don’t get stuck there.” To most of us, with our loss of Keisha, it probably feels as though, we’ve crashed and burned. With all the love and happiness that Keisha brought into our lives as a sister, daughter, mother, niece, aunt, cousin, friend and wife, we feel the vacuum and void that her absence creates. But at the same time, we must honor and celebrate her life. A happy life. A life full of happiness. That life was a treasure map which she gave us so that we can follow her lead, her example and her advice “Don’t get stuck there.”   A $10 Million Dream World famous comedian Jim Carrey told a story about writing himself a check for $10 million for “acting services rendered”. He gave himself three years, Thanksgiving 1995, and placed the check in his wallet. And sure enough, just before the deadline expired, he found out he was going to be paid $10 million for his role in Dumb and Dumber. Of course, the time between him writing that check and the visualization manifesting, was filled with a lot of hard work. The fact remains though; him visualizing achievement of a very specific goal focused the energy and efforts needed to make it a reality. A Better Than Average Dream A little over three years ago I decided I was going to create a curriculum to teach young black men the principles of being Better Than Average; goal setting, positive mindset, and masterminds. I pictured myself standing in front of a classroom working with boys and helping their parents, teachers, and involved community members build the foundation upon which those boys would grow into successful men.  Better Than Average Results Within weeks of forming that clear picture in my mind, I was facilitating my first "Be Better Than Average Boys" workshop at a local elementary school. I constantly experienced that feeling of deja vu because my reality so clearly aligned with the vision I had of my life's goals. At the end of the 12 weeks, the boys had an incredible graduation ceremony attended by the school staff, community members, business and community leaders and their parents. Since then, I have made steady progress toward my goal. I've written and self-published two books that detail the philosophies and principles by which I live my life. I have made alliances with many community leaders and programs whose mission aligns with mine. I've won multiple awards and received recognition from civic and political leaders. I have spoken at community roundtable events, and to groups of teachers. I've even begun an after-school workshop to teach goal setting and achievement skills. Within the next few months I be holding a workshop for parents and teachers to learn the information and techniques to teach their kids. If You Can Conceive It And Believe It - You Can Achieve It If you want to build and live a better than average life for yourself and others, two of first things you must do is idealize visualize what you specifically want. If you set vague goals you’ll get vague results if any at all. The more detailed the picture in your mind of what your goal looks like once achieved, the greater the energy and effort you will exert to make it a reality faster. You must be able to see yourself achieving and living your dream.  A tried and true technique of any car salesperson worth his commision is to have the customer test drive a car. They encourage you to tune the radio to your favorite station and to adjust the seat to your comfort level. They know that it becomes increasingly difficult for a person in the market for a new automobile to resist purchasing once they’ve seen themselves in the car and experienced the exhilaration of driving that new car as if it was their own. In effect, the salesperson is manipulating the customer into setting a goal of buying that car by introducing him or her to, and letting them experience, new compelling reasons to buy. Make and take time to visualize what achieving success looks like to you. Is your goal to have a new car by the end of the year? Go to the car lot and sit in and even test drive that car. Is your goal to write a book? Go to Barnes & Noble and imagine your book on the “New Releases” table. Is your goal to start your own company? Create a business card with your name and title as the owner and put it somewhere you’ll constantly see it. Close your eyes and picture what life looks like for you after you achieve your goal. Where are you? Who’s around you? What do you do everyday as a result of achieving your goal? Help Is Available On December 2nd the Black Business Initiative, Dream Culture and Be Better Than Average will help you prepare to leave your Comfort Zone in 2018 by hosting the 3rd Annual Vision Board Party: Leaving My Comfort Zone! A vision board is a tool used to help clarify, concentrate and maintain focus on a specific life goal. It serves as a guide to your goals for the future. It is a visual representation of your dreams and your ideal life. At this FREE community event you will get all the supplies you need to create an amazing vision board for 2018. We encourage you to bring images and other supplies that are meaningful or personal to you and your vision.
Jonathan McMillan is a success strategist and inspirational speaker. He specializes in gang intervention, desistance strategies, community service, goal setting, identity building and interpersonal relationship development.
Please contact him at [email protected] for booking information 
Have you ever lost your cellphone and spent five or ten minutes looking for it before you realize it's been in your hand the entire time?
I had that experience recently, only, instead of losing my cellphone, it was my purpose. |
AuthorI am a simple man who has lived a complicated life. The lessons I've learned from the experiences I've been through and the challenges I've conquered have helped me develop a philosophy that life is meant to be lived at a level better than average. Archives
September 2019
|
RSS Feed
