I have repeatedly advised against setting New Year resolutions. I recommend setting goals instead. Not just any goals, but rather, better than average goals which are specific, well thought out, goals with a definite plan of action and deadline. These are guaranteed to give you better results than your typical resolution.
But being a realist, I know that people are going to ignore the best advice and continue to be creatures of habits and slave to routine. So I created a list of the best resolutions a person can make in order to make themselves and every year better than average. These are habits, success skills, personal development techniques which highlight the best and most effective principles of the better than average philosophy.

1. Develop a better than average mindset - Free yourself from mental limitations and perceived barriers that slow your progress. These are fear, feelings of inferiority and unworthiness, resentments and grudges and an unwillingness to be uncomfortable. An indestructible positive mindset is an essential tool for creating a better than average life.
2. Aspire to be something greater than your current self. - Make the decision to be a better than average person and to live a better than average life. What is it that you most want to accomplish? Who is it whom you most want to be? What do you want your legacy to be? Ask yourself what do you need to do and where do you need to go to fulfill your destiny of greatness. Commit yourself to doing that which you identified as necessary and to traveling the road which leads to success.
3. Possess a futuristic outlook. - Idealize. Visualize. Emotionalize the things you want to be, do and have. Take the long range view. Release the past. It is critically important that you forgive yourself for both the past and future shortcomings. Remember that failing is part of the process and ultimately makes you wiser thus more valuable, if you learn it.
4. Develop deep personal integrity. - Become someone you admire. Hold yourself to a higher standard than anyone expects of you. Never make excuses for yourself. There are many things that the average person is, does or doesn’t do and is satisfied with. And that may be just fine for them, but not you.Do the best you can to meet and beat the expectations and standards that you have of yourself even when less is required. You keep promises & commitments and honor responsibilities.
5. Accept total personal responsibility. - This means remaining in control at all times of your thoughts, feelings and actions. Never, ever let your emotions override your intellect. Do not be manipulated by people or events. Social media will bring out the worst in people so manage it to make sure it's an asset to your personal development and network. People will attempt to control you by appealing to your base emotions of fear and sadness. Do not excuse behavior that is detrimental to your goal with "feeling some kinda way". Take complete responsibility for your life and your happinesses. Do not leave your happiness in the hands of others or attempt to make it someone else’s responsibility. Do not blame and be unblamable. You may not have control over every phase of your life, but you have control over most what you are responsible for which is your own happiness and success.
6. Edify and affirm others. - Give encouragement on a daily basis. By recognizing if someone in your life does something that involves soyou level of achievement (no matter how large or small) - your life (and theirs) becomes far richer and more fulfilling when you learn to give genuine praise and encouragement.
7. Be grateful. - Not just grateful but habitually, purposefully and powerfully grateful for every person, experience and circumstance which you encounter, without exception or qualification. This paradigm of gratitude which focuses your perception and presence, is the single most important tool in creating and living a better than average life.
8. Select your friends with care. - Minimize your dependence to and limit your association with people who don’t contribute to your success or physical, emotional, spiritual, financial health. If those in your circle doesn’t inspire you to want more for yourself, there is no motivation for you to grow. If you don't keep growing - you die. Yes, it's that serious. Surround yourself with people who believe in you and only want you to want more for yourself . Your flock must inspire, motivate, encourage you and hold you accountable to doing what is required to achieve your goals. Welcome, accept and appreciate their criticism because you can learn valuable insights into yourself and how to better obtain the success you desire by listening to the objective critiques of your key advisors.
9. Do It Now. - Stop waiting for the perfect time to start whatever it is you haven’t done yet. You only have so many new years left. Decide which habits you wish to develop, what which ambitions you want to fulfill and what specific behavior needs to be changed and do it now. Leave no room for excuse or exception. The time will never be more right than it is now and your legacy can be one of great accomplishments or one of unfulfilled potential, unrealized dreams and avoidable failures as a result of terminal procrastination.
10. Look for mentors. - Look for someone who is successful in some aspect of life in which you would like to improve your performance and results and then study that person. Ask them specific questions about how they achieved what they have and directly ask them if they are willing to mentor you. In order to be successful you need to seek out people who are successful at the things that you don’t know how to do. You will need to find mentors who have achieved the goals that you’re working towards to help guide and teach you. This is an area where you cannot allow fear to stop you from doing what is necessary. You cannot be shy, introverted, timid, nor too proud to ask someone wiser than you to teach you how to achieve the goals you’ve set. Make sure you put yourself in a position to be helped. When approaching a potential mentor or coach, ask yourself “What can I do to deserve their help? What can I do to make them want to help me?” Those who are in positions to help you (if you are sincere about what you’re asking) will recognize themselves in you and be willing to do whatever they can for you. The best thing that you can offer them, in return, is to not waste their time.Take notes. Ask questions. Implement advice. Be coachable. Be prompt. Be concise. Be serious.

Again, these suggestions are just a base line to get you started. In order to get real significant results, you need to set concrete goals. You can get tested and proven techniques on how to achieve your goals for 2020 and beyond in Jonathan McMillan's Guide to Setting & Achieving Goals that Change and Save Lives
Happy new year!

I attended a mentor training yesterday specifically for those of us who work with young black men. The session opened with this video.
I watched it and it broke me down.
I began to cry as I introduced myself to the group.
Not just cry, but damn near sob in front of a crowd of mostly strangers. My tears were a visceral reaction to both the reminder that this is the world that my sons will grow up in and the validation of my belief that we must give them skills to not just survive, but to thrive in these circumstances.  
Earlier this week I was frustrated because I was involved in a debate with a family member who just wasn't able to see the danger in painting the bleakest picture possible when it comes to the survivability of a young black males encounter with law enforcement.

If I had to boil my message down to four words it would be "Don't steal their hope." 
I guess now-a-days, that would have to be a heart wrenching catchy hash tag that  like #BlackLivesMatter or #HandsUp #DontShoot or even #IAmMikeBrown to be taken seriously. 

The expanded version of that message is we must build our young black men into empowered individuals who have an understanding of racism and it's potential impact on their lives and enable them to respond to events and circumstances without being victims.
It is important that we expect our young black men to only survive, but to thrive. It's imperative that they know we expect this of them and even more critical that they expect it of themselves.  Otherwise they will  continue to spiral the downward trajectory of failure and defeat which I and thousands of other young black men experienced in the late 80s/early 90s.

Growing up, we had been consistently told that we were a part of an endangered species as if we were wild animals. We were repeatedly reminded that more of us would head to prison than to college as if that path was predestined for us. We were pitied for the lack of fathers in our households and simultaneously forgiven for the broken homes we had not yet created as though breeding was the only skill most of us would ever possess. Although the stats and myths were used as tactics to scare us straight, they only served to be a blueprint or an instruction manual for many of us coming of age.

Since failure seemed to be all that was expected of us, we easily sunk to that level of mediocrity or worse. In his book “The Mis-education of the Negro”, The renowned educator and author, Carter G. Woodson wrote: “If you can control a man’s thinking, you don’t have to worry about his actions. If you can determine what a man thinks you do not have to worry about what he will do. If you can make a man believe that he is inferior, you don’t have to compel him to seek an inferior status, he will do so without being told.”

Yes, the deck is stacked. Yes, the dice are loaded. Yes, the playing field is uneven and the refs and officials who are entrusted in protecting the integrity of the game are complicit in the unfairness of it. 
But young black men must still show up to play the game with all of their hearts otherwise they are guaranteed to lose.  Period. 
The fact of the matter is: hopelessness leads to recklessness. Recklessness leads to prison or the graveyard. 

Us, the trusted adults who have choose to use our voices to identify the societal issues, injustices, burdens and hindrances  faced by young black males must be prepared to find and/or create and then offer resources to help these young humans to succeed regardless.  We who know the problems these boys and young men will face are required to coach these children to do the best they can to fully realize their potential. It is our job to help them identify and recognize the obstacles they will face. It is our duty to help them develop the skills and habits to properly overcome those obstacles. It is our obligation to be and also connect our young to mentors who will inspire, encourage, advise young black males to be champions .

In short, we must be the suppliers of an abundance of hope -- not the thieves who steal it.

Be better than average.