Because September is Suicide Prevention Month and a recent New York Times report shows suicide in the United States has surged to the highest levels in 30 years I want to share with you my story about a song. 
There's melody seared in brain from countless nights when I would try to stay up late and watch TV with my grand-dad after he came home from the dog track or driving his taxi cab.
If you're at least 30 years old chances are you have the same tune in your head. The theme song for the 1970s television show M*A*S*H was the sign that is was past your bedtime. 
The flutter of the helicopter blades behind the acoustic guitar's signature four note intro is part of the soundtrack of my childhood.  Typically, my grandpa and I would both doze off by the end of the episode.
​And all was good with the world.

It was many years later, as a pre-teen, that I learned the catchy song that was practically my childhood lullaby, actually had lyrics and an actual title besides just being the "Theme to M*A*S*H"; It was surprisingly named "Suicide Is Painless". 

I was still too young to fully comprehend and appreciate the story behind the name and lyrics of the song.
​It's supposed to be ironic. In the context of the movie, which is considered one of the great Hollywood  comedies, the song doesn't seem as morbid and depressing despite lyrics like:

Over time, as I grew into a full fledged teenager, the song, the lyrics, the melody, and especially the title seduced me like the aroma of expensive perfume. 39 years and 9 months later I can still remember it looping in my head as I tried to kill myself the first time.

I was 14 years old, lost, confused, lonely, and hopeless. I felt like I was a burden. I felt unappreciated. I felt misunderstood. I had little emotional intelligence or psychological maturity. I was naive, impulsive and frankly unconcerned with the consequences of my actions. 
And I sincerely thought suicide would be painless. At least in comparison to the emotional, psychological, spiritual, and physical pain I was suffering through at the time.
Come to find out, what I was feeling, thinking, and experiencing wasn't at all uncommon for my age group. Suicide is a leading cause of death in the United States. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), in 2015, suicide was the third leading cause of death among individuals between the ages of 10 and 14, and the second leading cause of death among individuals between the ages of 15 and 34. Specific to my culture, the suicide rate among black children has nearly doubled since the early 1990s.

Now almost 40 years laters, I find myself in a much better place mentally, emotionally, spiritually but also in the most at-risk group to commit suicide, again. Men in their early 40s commit suicide at a rate three times higher than women.  

I feel compelled to share my story and this information for the following reasons. 
For one reason or another, people have begun to look to me as a leader. Sometimes I feel uncomfortable with that title and the expectations with which it comes but I welcome the opportunity to help those who I can.
Being transparent and honest about my experiences is the only way I know to reach out to those who have the same struggles. Information and affirmation is helpful and comforting. Many times, people who are dealing with depression or other mental and emotional disorders feel as though they are weird.

And of course, Black America is more prone to some of these disorders. According to a 2014 report from the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration 6.8 millions Black Americans have a diagnosable mental illness in the past year. and Black/African Americans are 20 percent more likely to report serious psychological distress than adult whites. And while Black/African Americans are less likely than white people to die from suicide as teenagers, Black/African Americans teenagers are more likely to attempt suicide than are white teenagers (8.3 percent v. 6.2 percent).

I recently facilitated a breakout session at a summit addressing men's mental health, In it I asked the group the following questions:

1. What does mental wellness look like? 
2. What does mental illness look like?
3. Are there circumstances for Black males that create exceptions to these definitions (i.e. trauma, social/emotional values). 
4. How can the stigma that surrounds the topic of Black men’s mental health care be removed?

One of the participants summarized and articulated what so many Black males believe when he said "It feels as if I'm defined as a Black man by stress, struggles, and the burden of the expectation of being strong when and where others are allowed to be weak.
That hopelessness tends to lend to a recklessness (especially in our teens) that may not be always be as overt as suicide attempts or completions but are self-destructive all the same. Disproportionately high substance use, engaging in high risk sexual activity, short term incarceration, and other behavioral health matters are disturbingly common amongst Black males.

Thankfully, the awareness of the problem has become more common. There are more and more people studying to become qualified mental health professionals, including men and women of color. A simple Google search will bring up the most common coping strategies to address and help mental illness in yourself or others.
I would like to offer an obvious and simple, if not so common solution. Be kind. 

In an era where being bombastic, sarcastic, opinionated, cruel and self-centered is encouraged by social media, people who may be emotionally hurting or mentally in distress, may be hesitant to be vulnerable and seek help. A hidden struggle may be exasperated by a snide comment on Facebook or unthoughtful tweet or meme. Everyone has an issue in life which no one else knows about and a little bit of kindness could be all that is needed to make their lives better and safer.

A few years ago I was at the store with a friend to buy some cheese. Simple enough, right?
We walked to the back of the store to the dairy section, located the cheese bin, and I grabbed a package of individually wrapped slices of the brand which I was most familiar. 
"You're gonna get that?" My friend asked with disgust. 
"Uhhh, yeah." I replied. "Why not?"
"'Cause that's not real cheese. Look right here on the package." he said pointing to what could only be described as fine print which I had never noticed before.  
I couldn't believe my eyes as I read "Imitation Pasteurized Cheese Food Product" on the label. 
Suddenly I felt like my friend was Morpheus and I was Neo in "The Matrix" right after he took the red pill. Was everything I knew a lie? How deep was the rabbit hole?

I immediately began to search for "real cheese" among the imposters and was shocked at what I found -- it's expensive when compared to the other stuff. But it was also noticeably better. Like, "I can't eat that other stuff" better. ​
OK, I know that makes me sound like a bougie cheese snob but what can I say? Once my taste buds experienced quality - not even gourmet - just simply quality cheese, the other stuff tastes cheap and artificial.
It was fine and good enough when I (literally) didn't know better but now, I do and it ain't. 
The same goes for leadership. Good enough is good enough until better is required.

Last week I was the humble recipient of the "Legacy and Leadership" award from an organization called Urban Leadership Foundation, which prides itself on developing civic and economic leaders from the urban community. In preparation for the ceremony I was interviewed and asked "How do you walk your leadership?"
The question, itself, was simple enough but my answer was even simpler. "I've set a goal of helping people, especially the traditionally disenfranchised build and live better than average lives and I just do what I'm supposed to do in order to achieve that goal."
And that's what differentiates good, authentic leadership from the fake stuff -- your intention. Is it to really help people or to just look like that's what you do?

In today's fast paced scrolling social media world expressing an opinion (even if it's someone else's) about the latest societal ill or social injustice is encouraged, accepted and expected. This has created an environment where people aspire to influence others and literally get followers as a form of social currency. Being recognized as a "Thought leader", a much sought after, respected lucrative job title becomes the goal rather than actually leading people into thinking critically or for themselves. 

​Often times, these thought leaders achieve their goals by simply manipulating people's emotions. Specifically fear and anger. 
A prime example of this tactic successfully working is the 2016 United States Presidential campaign. Donald Trump and his campaign (and probably Russians) did a great job of manipulating the fear of economic uncertainty, loss of privilege and the anger born out of bigotry held by white middle to lower class voters.
Despite the evidence that the economy was stronger than it had been in decades and that a Black man could successfully run the county, an inexperienced, failed businessman who unashamedly bragged about sexually assaulting women and promoted violence ran a campaign of making America "great again". And won. 
​​He is a poster child of inauthentic leadership in a digital age. There is very little critical thought given to very complex matters. It's become chic to be reactionary revolutionaries who quickly express outrage and protest via tweets, status updates, memes, and hashtags. However, it's uncommon to be focused on creating or contributing to practical, effective solutions and even more rare to encourage people to think for themselves and become problem solvers. 

Most all of us who aspire to achieve more in life have heard the advice "Fake it 'til you make it". That's usually excellent advice for a person who knows what they want but isn't quite sure of how or where to begin.
In my Be Better Than Average Leaders workshops I facilitate I encourage people to think of a leader they admire and identify the qualities that makes that person a good leader? I then challenge them to think of ways they can practice those same characteristics in their own lives. It's a grown up game of follow the leader. I, myself have built my platform by following in the footsteps of the people I admire like Les Brown, Jim Rohn, Zig Ziglar and Brian Tracy.
I've studied and implemented their best practices in my life and business, forever with intention of becoming a beacon of hope and a practical example of how you can be successful no matter your background or perceived obstacles as long as you develop critical thinking skills and focus on solutions.
When I first moved into this leadership space, I was mostly regurgitating things that I had read or heard or seen in the books and workshops I studied. I quoted heavily and I mimicked the motivational speakers who inspired me to begin my journey. But then I found that I wasn't very good at being a second rate Les Brown. If someone wanted to hear what he had to say they could very easily check out one of his books from the library or watch a video of him on YouTube. However, when I crafted my own speeches, and wrote my own blogs and eventually books, I was an expert on being a first rate Jonathan McMillan. At one point, I had almost half a million people following my blog! 

The lesson to be learned is this: Leadership is is a lifestyle which can be authentic, impactful and rewarding or artificial, superficial and inconsequential.  When starting out on your journey to leadership, you must determine which lifestyle you want to live and then find mentors and role models who demonstrate the characteristics you admire and emulate those persons until those skills, habits and leadership traits are authentic to who you are. 
As the late, great poet and author Maya Angelou stated "Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better." In other words --  fake it until you make it and then keep it real.
Be better than average! 

There's an image I can't get out of my head.
​It's of a mother silently sitting beside her 15 year old daughter's body as it lay in the casket. The girl's life was violently taken in a drive-by shooting just a week before her 16th birthday.
Just eleven months after her 10 year old brother was killed in an accidental shooting.

Bob Marley's "Redemption Song" is one the most inspiring songs I've ever heard.
I usually listen to it once or twice a week because it's like a personal theme song for the journey I've been on.
Frequently I recite the lyrics "Emancipate yourself from mental slavery. None but our self can free our minds”.
I say those words to replace the self-talk which sabotaged me for many, many years:“I can’t.”
I don’t remember what the task was. I don’t remember how old I was. All I remember was my mom yelling at me to “never say that” phrase.
“Don’t tell me what you can’t do.” she said. “There’s nothing you can’t do.”

​So it's understandable why so many people are grieving the physical death of the legend. Post after post on social media start off with "I am so sad."
​Remember "I Am" are the two most powerful words you can speak or even think. Those words create or destroy your potential success before you even get started. It is literally a powerful prayer to the God in you which determines who or what you will be.
​So, even while mourning, it's critically important that you choose your words and character wisely. Saying "I am sad" means so much more than just how you feel. It also determines what you do and how you think. It's much more productive to choose powerful words to finish your "I am" statement. What words did Prince leave behind as his legacy? These three come to mind for me.

INSPIRED
Choose to be inspired by Prince's life rather than sad about his passing. Stop living the life you dream about through Prince's songs and begin to deliberately create and live a better than average life. We tend to think  that celebrities like Prince and Michael Jackson were the only ones who inspire people through their ability to entertain the masses. However, there are hundreds of thousands of singers who are just as talented but go unnoticed. What's the difference? Is it that they don't push themselves to be more and do more with their talents? Is it because they don't think to use their gift as a contribution to the world, so they play small with it? You must define your truth by choosing three or four words that you want to describe who you are to yourself and others. Choose characteristics and personality traits that naturally generate pride. Select personality traits like caring, devoted, driven, compassionate, helpful. Living your life in congruence with what you feel is worthy of pride and holding yourself to that standard; making that your absolute truth - removes any suggestion of arrogance. It will be evident that you are living to inspire by being the best you that is possible. 
The ability to inspire other people is a skill very few people develop because they don't know they can. It's not a talent in of itself nor is it dependant on any particular innate ability. It's a skill that you can develop no matter if you're a customer service agent or a singer, a bank teller or an actor. You have the ability to inspire someone by contributing to the world you live in. How so? By being the best you that you can possibly be. ​